


In the words of the great romantic poet, Bo Burnham

by Rosae



Category: Oryx and Crake - Margaret Atwood
Genre: Fluff, Happy Ending, In which crake is forced to get his shit together and ask out the boy he has a crush on, M/M, Somehow, The OFC is a plot device, listen I wasn't intending to write oryx and crake fanfiction but here we are, not involved in the romance, weird blackmail
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-08 19:43:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16435628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosae/pseuds/Rosae
Summary: You’ll drown the rest of the world and yourself with it because you’ll see he can’t ever be in happy in the world as it is, and you can’t bear to see him unhappy.But that's not the game this time. I'm changing the rules.---In which someone backs Crake into a corner and tells him to get on the damn ship or drown already. Surprisingly, this is a optimistic story in which Snowman never comes to be.





	In the words of the great romantic poet, Bo Burnham

**Author's Note:**

> Man. This isn't what I saw myself doing when I got assigned this book for class, but here we are anyways I guess. Enjoy!

  
  


Crake had run off, looking almost frantic and leaving Jimmy alone in dining hall. He’d gotten an alert on his datapad, something about his current experiment tanking, and he’d shouted at Jimmy to wait for him before running off. So Jimmy waited, like a good pet, or maybe just a patient friend he supposed. It was always hard to tell which Crake thought him. 

 

Everyone bustling around ignoring him, nobody questioned why he was there even though he clearly didn’t fit in, and while a lot of people took a glance at him, there seemed to be a light of understanding in their eyes that lead to them looking away. Just someone’s neurotypical hanging around. That was, until about five minutes after Crake had run off when someone slid into the seat opposite him. 

 

Jimmy startled just a little, wondering if the person had mistaken him for someone else. But their gaze was intense and focused on him. Not a mistake. Jimmy took in his new table mate, a girl for sure. Long shimmering hair that changed color with her every move, not a dye that currently existed on any market he knew of, but who knew what they had here. The girl regarded him for several long moments, studying him carefully. Than she spoke, her voice firm and commanding.

 

“So you’re Crake’s Jimmy.” 

 

It wasn’t a question, he answered it like it was anyways. He wasn’t sure how he felt about being called Crake’s, but he was Crake’s guest so maybe that was all she meant by it. Probably not. He considered getting flirty, but this girl wasn’t interested in him like that. Too bad, he liked that hair. 

 

“I’m Jimmy, yeah. Can I help you?” 

 

The girl considered the question. Tilting her head in an exaggerated motion. 

 

“Maybe. I’m still deciding.” 

 

He didn’t know how to reply to that, so he didn’t. He changed the topic instead.

 

“Who are you anyways?” 

 

“As far as you need to know me, I’m Crake’s lab partner.” 

 

Oh. Okay. So that was how she knew his name. Had Crake mentioned him before?

 

“You might need to get to the lab, Crake said something about an experiment failing.” 

 

She laughed at that, Jimmy didn’t understand why.

 

“Oh, I’m aware. I’m the one who set up the failure. It’s nothing serious, but it’ll look like it is for long enough to keep him busy.” 

 

Jimmy stiffened a little, was he about to die? That was what this felt like. Had he done something or was this some sort of revenge on Crake? Would Crake even care? Only one way to find out.

 

“Why would you do that?”

 

“Curiosity mostly. Crake only felt safe inviting you up here since he thought I was going back to my compound for the week. He’s been very adamant about keeping you from me. Took quite a bit to convince him I’d be gone. Had to send a body double on the train and everything. He’ll stop mid-experiment whenever he gets one of your emails you know. Nothing stops Crake mid-experiment. We once had a Wolvog break out in the building and he just told me to lock the door. I wanted to find out what was so important to him and why he was so desperate to protect it from me.” 

 

That was.. new information. Crake usually took time to reply to Jimmy’s emails so Jimmy had rightfully assumed that he had them as a low priority in his life. That they weren’t was a revelation that put a lot of other things into question. The person in front of him was more urgent though.

 

“Have I sated your curiosity?” It sounded like something Crake would say, so it was probably a smart thing to say here. 

 

“Not really. Tell me about yourself, Crake’s been hiding your info from me. I mean, I know some things. Mother left, from the same compound he was so you met at school, average intelligence and going to one of the artsy places, but what else?”

 

“Sounds like you got me in a box right there.” Probably wasn’t safe to tell her anything else. If Crake was protecting him from her, he had a reason for it. She hummed, and seemed to leave it.

 

“What’s up with the cork-nut nickname?” 

 

“Childhood joke from Alex the parrot. We used to call people that but now he mostly uses it for me.” It seemed like a safe enough fact. 

 

She pondered that for a moment. Then seemed to switch gears. 

 

“Do you draw? Decently, I mean.” 

“I mean, yeah. Not the wall stuff, but the technical side of drawing I’m pretty good at. Concepts and what not.” It was one of the few marketable skills he had so far, he didn’t like how quickly she picked up on it.

 

‘We need someone around here who can do the concepts. Right now, blueprints have no standardization, either people draw their own shit with shorthand and often sloppy stuff or they hire someone to do it. The school’s tried to get a good technical artist in here, but they always end up running off. Can’t deal with the lot of us I guess. You put up with Crake though. If you can deal with him the job would be a breeze.”

 

Jimmy didn’t know what to say to that. She didn’t seem to mind. 

 

“I’ll put my email in your contact list later, who knows what’ll work out there. Either way it’s going to annoy the hell out of Crake that I managed to talk to you.” 

 

“Do you not like him?” Lots of people didn’t like Crake, or didn’t like being around Crake. It was fair, Jimmy could understand it even if he wasn’t one of those people. 

 

“Nah, guy’s the best lab partner I’ve ever had. Only one who can keep up with me. We have some… disagreements though on a few things. Philosophical stuff. We’ve turned it into a game. I intend to win this round, and it looks like I’m well on my way.” 

 

“How are you going to win?” Jimmy was scared, but he wanted info to report back to Crake. He could help his friend here, and maybe protect himself in the process. Crake’s lab partner gave him a gleaming smile. 

 

“I’m going to force Crake to realize he’s only human, and that maybe the things he hates most about people aren’t so bad after all. Or I’m going to reaffirm it all. It’ll be mostly up to him. A little up to you. A lot up you actually, so much more so than you realize.” She paused, Jimmy didn’t say anything. Had nothing to say. She looked him in the eye, tilting her head forward with a glint he couldn’t understand. “You ought to stick around him, the two of you are good for each other.”

 

Another pause.

 

“After Crake leaves you in his room tonight, wait twenty minutes than head over to our main lab. Don’t go in, just look. I’ll take care of the authorization.” 

 

Before Jimmy could reply, she seemed to hear something and stood. Just as Crake reentered the dining hall, looking suspicious. His eyes went wide and than narrow when he caught sight of her. She gave him a friendly wave, and slipped past Crake out into the compound, whispering something into Crake’s ear that Jimmy didn’t catch. Crake refocused on Jimmy, quickly taking the seat next to him.

 

“Did she touch you or give you anything to eat or drink?” Huh. It was the first time Jimmy had heard real concern in Crake’s voice for a person. For Jimmy. 

 

“No, she just wanted to mess with you. I think. She said something about proving a point about humanity and I think she offered me a job to annoy you?”

 

Crake considered it, he knew Jimmy wasn’t telling him everything but he trusted Jimmy to have told him the important parts. Maybe he shouldn’t have, but love did silly things to the best of people. Instead he just made the best he could out of the situation. It seems like she hadn’t done more than talk to Jimmy so it couldn’t have been that bad.

 

“Stay away from her. I don’t think she’d do anything serious, but she’s dangerous enough that she could. I may not be able to stop her either.”

 

Jimmy stood, and Crake started to lead him back towards his room. There was an edge to everything now, whereas before Crake had been relaxed and almost jovial (for Crake anyways) he was now tense, looking around corners and green eyes scanning every small movement. 

 

“Who is she anyways? She just said she was your lab partner.” 

 

Crake wanted to laugh at that, but he held himself back just barely. 

 

“Well she wasn’t lying there, we were paired together on our first project and we’ve been working together ever since. She can keep up and even surpass me in a few places.” Crake wasn’t fond of admitting that, but credit where credit was due. Besides he wanted Jimmy to understand this wasn’t someone to mess around with. “If she wasn’t so insistent on proving some point or another to me she’d be perfect. She’s more than just my lab partner though. You know the RejoovenEsense compound?”

 

Jimmy nodded, he wasn’t that dumb. Everyone knew about the current leader of immortality treatments. 

 

“Her Mother is the CEO and chief stock holder. She’s the only heir and she’s not even a coded baby.” 

 

That got a whistle. Usually compound hiers weren’t ever seen by the public until their parents were dead. Most compounds that size had special nurseries, schools and even malls just for executive children like that. Jimmy tilted his head to the side, in the way he always did when he was confused but always denied doing. For a moment, it was all Crake could think about, Jimmy’s little quirks that put him out from the crowd. That made him so easy to read, so simple a picture and yet such a complicated puzzle that Crake had never found all the pieces to solve it. 

 

“So wait, the hell she doing here then? I know securities good and all, but it can’t be that good. She didn’t even have a bodyguard.”

 

Crake nodded, rounding one of the corners that all looked the same to Jimmy but held meaning for him. 

 

“Part of it is her mother wanted her daughter to make her own way. Do something with her life other than be a pretty decoration, apparently that’s what almost happened to her mother and she’s breaking the cycle or whatever.” It was good, Crake supposed. But it got boring to hear the same story of breaking the cycle of objectifying by someone who made their living off the concept. “Other part of it was when she was six she got kidnapped by some other immortality compound, I haven’t been able to get the full story yet.” Not for lack of trying, but it seems she had managed to prevent any written logs from documenting the events. When he’d asked her about it, she’d only grinned. “Nobody but her knows what happened, but the compound ended up burned to the ground. Not a single person left alive in it but her. It got covered up, but a couple of years after there was another attempt with the same result. Once was a freak accident, twice is a pattern and after that the other compounds have been too scared shitless to try anything.” 

 

Jimmy had heard of the compounds burning, who hadn’t? Both had been blamed on an issue with a particular type of fuse that somehow locked down security gates and started the flame. He’d had no idea that there was someone behind them. It was unnerving, to have sat across the table from someone like that. Still, he almost wished she’d stuck around longer so he could ask her more questions. Who knows, maybe she even had ways around the CorpSeCorp in order to pull off stunts like that. 

 

“So what’s her name?” 

 

Crake gave Jimmy a smile. It was the smile he only got when he’d gotten something write on his homework that he’d been struggling with for a long while, or when he’d asked the right question that lead to what Crake was trying to get at. 

 

“Great question, I’ve been trying to find out for a year and I’ve gotten nowhere.” 

 

“Man, that’s  _ bogus. _ ” 

 

This time, Crake couldn’t help but laugh a little. It had been far to long since he’d had Jimmy around him, always knowing just what to say with his silly lost words. 

 

“Still the same as always, huh Cork-nut?” 

 

By the time they reached Crake’s dorm the mood was light again and Crake was almost able to forget about his apparent meeting with his lab partner that night. 

  
  
  


Still, at 7 pm that night, Crake excused himself. He told Jimmy that he just had to make sure the experiment hadn’t suffered any lasting damage earlier in the day. Just wait here, I won’t be long. Why don’t you find one of those weird old movies for us to watch when I’m back? 

 

Jimmy almost did. Or well, he did find an old movie. An ancient comedy called IT, he’d heard about it from the last girl he’d broken up with before heading out here. He also waited, and he really considered not going. After all, even Crake seemed scared of this girl at least a little. It wasn’t a good idea to go, Crake wouldn’t be happy about it. Yet when twenty minutes hit, Jimmy found himself getting to his feet. He couldn’t risk something bad happening to Crake if he didn’t show. Besides, Crake had said he didn’t think she’d do anything serious, and his lab partner had seemed to like Crake well enough. Surely it’d be alright? Right?

 

Meanwhile, Crake had made his way to the lab. Good mood gone the moment he’d stepped out of his dorm. He’d tripled checked that his door was locked, with his own personal security system too. Not that it’d help much, computer science was one of the areas that his lab partner had managed to confound him more than once, and if she’d been preparing there wouldn’t be much he could do to keep her out now. So he’d play along and hope she was just going to blackmail him into doing something for her. 

 

Slipping into their lab room was easy, the security that normally guarded the lab closely after hours was nowhere to be found. She probably didn’t want witnesses. Not the best sign, but not the worst either since it meant there would more than likely be a deal to be made that she didn’t want getting out. He’d arrived just on time, as he always did, and wasn’t surprised to find her in the room already, tweking the controls for their biotank. Once he was in the room, he waited, knowing she already knew he was here and that she’d talk when she was finished. Also, he wanted her to fix whatever she’d done to the biotank earlier. He’d figured out that it had to have been her that messed with it in the first place. It only took a minute of tinkering before she reattached the control panel, screwed it back into place and turned to face him. 

 

“So, it looks like my theory on platonic queer magnetism between women who love women and men who love men has another example.”

 

Crake raised his eyebrow, that wasn’t exactly where he thought this was going. He’d indulge her though.

 

“Jimmy’s straight, only sleep with women. And even if he wasn’t, you sought him out so the data is skewed. I thought you were a better scientist than that.” 

 

A light laugh, melodic in a way that should have been pleasant but right now just set Crake on edge. 

 

“First for foremost, that boy is pansexual and we both know it. He’s just heavily weighted towards one gender, that and taking the easier option.” She held a finger up as she listed out her points, a habit Crake disliked when directed at him. It wouldn’t have been as bad if she didn’t only do it when lecturing him on something she was right on. “Second,” another finger up, “I wasn’t referring to him as the other half to my platonically formed pair.” 

 

It took Crake a second to process, but the moment he did and realized what she was accusing him of, his eyes narrowed. 

 

“Jimmy and I’s relationship is entirely platonic. There is no chance of it advancing beyond that, and as I’ve clearly informed you before, I have no use for romantic love. It only causes complications.” 

 

“You know, I wanted to meet him so badly since I wanted to know exactly what was so special about him that kept you around. What secret he held? What was so important you’d drop everything for him? And today I got my answer.” 

 

Crake gave her a look, surprised. He wondered what it was she had decided was Jimmy’s special trait, maybe Jimmy’s love for long lost things, or his metaphors or how he could endlessly tolerate even the most stubborn of people. How he smiled so brightly, and could find joy even in dark pits of despair. How even when there didn’t seem to be much going on his brain, he always had a light in his eyes that let on to how much more he knew. How kind Jimmy was, even to those that didn’t deserve it. His sense of duty, refusing to cheat his way through classes. He tilted his head at her, not willing to reply verbally but curious enough.

 

“It only took about five minutes to figure it out, I already had a sense of the answer, but I had to meet him to be sure. Not on his own turf, but here. Location is so important you know. I had to know just what it was that made him special. Do you want to know what it is Crake?” 

 

He gave her a new look, the one that said  _ really?  _ She just laughed at him again, before leaning in conspirately. Her voice was lowered to a whisper. 

 

“Not a damn thing.” 

 

Crake almost recoiled at that. Wanting to argue. To fight for Jimmy’s specialness but he caught himself just in time. She continued though, before he could say anything. 

 

“The fact of the matter is, there’s nothing special about Jimmy himself. In isolation, he’d be just another person with randomly generated interests and maybe a bit more emotional intelligence than most. Still nothing to write home about, and if you were to meet a copy I’m sure you wouldn’t look at them twice. This Jimmy is important to you though, since you’re in love with him. Because he doesn’t just put up with you, he likes spending time with you. You make him happy. Real happy, not the fake happy of money worshippers that we just churned out a new product for. You love him because he, somehow, loves you. You got attached, Crake. Face it.” 

 

“That’s not true!” But it sounded weak even to Crake’s ears, the spluttered response that just let her lean in closer. Cementing her theory. 

 

“Okay then, justify him Crake. He takes time out of your life, you’ve almost ruined two experiments to read his emails; don’t think I didn’t know it wasn’t a biohazard alert. I’ve watched you ignore those before. He has moderate intelligence and doesn’t have anything to teach you, he can’t help you socially and he won’t get you any points in getting into any of the compounds. He doesn’t even make you look normal around here. So why keep him? Why go to all the trouble to get him up here? Why make him so central to everything?”

 

Crake wanted to say he didn’t have to justify himself to her. Wanted to say that if she couldn’t figure it out he wasn’t going to feed her the answers. Wanted to pretend that there was something about Jimmy that was special and worth keeping him around for. If it was anyone else, he would have. But all those answers were copouts, they both knew she’d won this round and any of them would mean he was being a sore loser. So he dropped his gaze, sighed and took his defeat gracefully. It was only fair she won one after all. Besides, as much as Crake liked winning, there was a small part of him that thought it might nice to have someone who understood the longing he felt and how he had to deny himself. His lab partner was in a similar place, she was in love with a girl who she was “dating” as another person entirely. For safety reasons. The compounds wouldn’t take her, but a lover was absolutely a target.

 

The mood shifted, from competitive to something softer. For all both he and his lab partner shared views on the worthlessness of so many human emotions, love was one they disagreed on. She was a romantic, he thought romance a worthless driver of anger and war. At least he knew she wasn’t going to be using this against him. Or he thought he knew that anyways, it was hard to tell with her. 

 

“He’d say yes. If you asked him out, properly. You make him happy, and while you’d need to do it right since he still needs to get over the gay thing, he’d still say yes.” Her tone was softer, but Crake still took offense. Anger surging up in him.

 

“No he wouldn’t. He’d either say yes out of obligation or pity, we’d have sex, he’d say he loves me and not mean it in the slightest and than drift away like he has with every other partner he’s had. Or he’d say no, awkwardly try to hold onto our friendship anyways for a few months than forget about me as some queer and only recall me faintly when my name hits the news for some scandal or another.” Crake had thought it through a thousand times, it had been the subject of his nightmares. It had haunted him the few times when he was young and foolish enough to consider making a move. Crake had seen it happen a million times, it was how he knew just how poorly love went. It’d happened with his mother and father, with his mother and Uncle Pete, with every adult he saw around him. It was human nature, and it would be the first thing he got rid of once he’d cracked the genetic code completely. 

 

She sighed, putting her palm on her face and shaking her head as if she was dealing with a particularly errient child. Than she paused, having clearly stumbled upon an idea, her hand slid away and there was a grin on her face that Crake didn’t like in the slightest. He waited for her to speak, body tense against his will.

 

“Did you ever get told the story of the godly man who was drowning when you were younger?”

 

That gave Crake pause, neither of them were religious, and he didn’t know the story she was referring to. Where was this going? He shook his head slowly, not wanting to admit his lack of knowledge but knowing she already knew.

 

“It wasn’t a common story, but my mother told it to me when I was young. A man was out in the middle of the ocean, drowning and far from shore. A boat came along and offered to help him back to shore, and the man declined. He said ‘No thank you, god will save me.’ and so the boat moved on. Another boat, bigger than the first came by and offered to help only to be told the same thing. Finally, as he was running out of breath and strength to keep afloat, a huge cruise ship slowed down and offered to help him out. Again, he rejected them. The man drowned shortly after, and when he reached the gates of heaven he asked God why? Why didn’t you save me? God looked at the man and said ‘I sent you three boats didn’t I? It’s not my fault you didn’t get on them.’”

 

Crake turned the story over in his mind, racing to try and figure out where this was going. The message, ignoring the religious aspects, was obvious but what did it have to with him and Jimmy? He looked to her, more confused than upset now and waiting for answers he knew he’d get. She rolled her eyes, but he couldn’t care less about the mocking. Now he wanted the answer to this puzzle.

 

“Crake, buddy, whether you think you are or not, you’re drowning. You have nightmares every night. The only thing in a day that really makes you smile is when you get your email from him. You don’t really care for any of this, you’re alright with the work, and you like learning new things but it’s not enough for you and it never will be. You’re going to end up killing yourself, by gun or words, just because it was only thing left for you to do.”

 

Crake wanted to disagree, wanted to interject and tell her he was perfectly happy with his research. That he was in control. That he was okay. But she held up her hand to stop him and for once Crake waited since that mischievous smile had returned and he was worried again. 

 

“You’ve got a ship right there offering to pull you up, and you won’t get on it because you’re convinced you don’t need it. That your research will save you instead. That it’s enough for you to just have the ship there. And I know you, whether you like it or not. You aren’t going to make a move on him because you’re terrified of losing what you have.” She paused, just for a moment to take a breath. “You’re okay with things how they are Crake. And people like you and I can’t be okay. We need more, we need to be  _ satisfied.  _ But you won’t take what you need to be satisfied, because you’ve calculated the odds of success and it’s not 100% so it’s not worth it to try. You’ll settle for having him as he is, for driving women away from him and steering his life so he’s as happy as he can be. Then you’ll drown the rest of the world and yourself with it because you’ll see he can’t ever be in happy in the world as it is, and you can’t bear to see him unhappy.”  

 

Frozen again, Crake wasn’t sure how to react. He knew that there was no way she could have knowledge of Paradise, of the Crakers, of his life’s goals. And yet, there was his plan laid bare even if her motivations were a little off. She could ruin everything, and from that smile Crake was worried she might. His mind raced for weapons, ways he could kill her quickly and have it brushed over. She saw through him and kept going anyways. 

 

“But guess what? I’ve decided that’s not what we’re going to do this time. You like our games right? Well now it’s time to raise the stakes.”

 

“I’m not betting anything to do with Jimmy.” Firm, a statement. He wouldn’t ever. She knew that though and shook her head at him.

 

“Oh Crake, no darling. You don’t get a choice in this game. You’re not betting anything, you’re just deciding his future.” And Crake didn’t like her smile one bit, all teeth now like the Wolvogs she had designed. 

 

“I’m going to give you 48 hours from when I walk out that door, if he’s not yours in 48 hours than I’m going to make him mine.” 

 

What. 

 

She was a lesbian though, and she didn’t want Jimmy anyways. Why on earth would she want Jimmy. He wasn’t anything special, at least not to anyone else. Crake was about to yell at her but she continued. 

 

“It’ll be easy enough, I don’t really want him but if it makes you miserable I’d be happy to do it. I’d get him the job here, he’d accept of course with a bit of needling and eliminating his other choices. Then I’d get him to fall in love with me. Probably only take a few days, make him promises of an outside world, get to the root of that mother issue all that. We’d marry for convenience, I’d of course still be in love with my girlfriend but he wouldn’t need to know about that. It’d get me a better job offer for sure, and he’d be nice and easy to drag around. I’d make him dwindled the contact with you, not cut it off completely. No, you’d get a short email every now and again to remind you of what you’d lost. He wouldn’t be happy either, I could make him happy if I put my mind to it, but it’d be so much more fun if he was miserable. Kept stringing along and living an empty life he couldn’t stand, loveless and boring until he dies or offs himself. Maybe he’ll die by whatever mess you start, you’d never know. It’d be so easy, Crake.”

 

Crake was shaking with rage, it was hard to upset him, it was hard to push those few buttons he had. But she was smashing her hands across the keyboard and she knew it. Jimmy was the one line he’d carved into stone in all their interactions, Jimmy was the one weakness he’d allowed himself and here it was held against him. He’d kill her, if he didn’t know he wouldn’t win the fight and it’d only push Jimmy towards her. Her eyes were triumphant and he wanted to rip them from her skull. She gathered up her things, binder into the backpack and pens neatly into her pocket as if she hadn’t just threatened the one thing Crake held dear. So caught up in his rage was he, that Crake didn’t notice the soft creak of the old but well oiled door close to them. She noticed, but chose to stride past Crake, giving him a pat on the shoulder as she walked past him.

 

“48 hours, either hop on the ship or I’m going to sink it,  _ Cork-nut _ .” 

 

Than she was pushing past him and out the far door. 48 hours remaining than. Crake shuddered and tried to draw himself together. He wasn’t used to dealing with such strong emotions, hadn’t since his father’s murder. It was harder than he thought to reclaim himself and it left him feeling exhausted, enough so that he didn’t notice the figure at the near door slipping away. 

 

So he had 48 hours to make his move or he’d lose Jimmy forever. Crake took a few deep breaths and than he turned to leave, he shouldn’t leave Jimmy alone for too long, who knows what he’d get up to.

 

By the time he’d returned to his room, Jimmy had returned too. Settled himself on the couch as if he’d been there all along. Jimmy was watching Crake closely, too close for comfort. Options for conversation slid around in Crake’s mind. It was Jimmy who spoke first though, his eyes cutting through Crake’s calm facade and peering into the soul Crake would insist he didn’t have. 

 

“Are you okay? I’ve never seen you like this.” 

 

There was faint worry in Jimmy’s voice, under the joking tone, not worry about what Crake would do, not what everyone else was worried about. No, this worry was for Crake himself. Just for him. 

 

Crake believed in planning. He believed in setting yourself up for success. In rigging the odds in your favor. In slow, deliberate movement. Calm, rational choices. Well thought out moves. But Jimmy had always been the exception to those rules, hadn’t he? 

 

“How many girls have you dated this year?” 

 

Jimmy eyed him, unsure. Before answering honestly. 

 

“Are we counting the ones I fucked more than once, the ones I called girlfriend or the ones I said I love you to?” 

 

Crake had to fight down a shudder. Normally this didn’t bother him, normally he assured himself with how easily Jimmy took to women and how easily he fell away from them. Just faces and names after all. Warm bodies and soft voices. Now all he could see was the vulnerability of it. Jimmy never broke up with the girls, they always grew sick and left him. Now all Crake could see was his lab partner in the place of each faceless girl, that smile on her face. A smile that said she’d never grow sick of Crake’s torment. 

 

“Did any of them make you happy? Feel better? Less empty?” 

 

Shifting in discomfort, Jimmy thought for a moment before he answered.

 

“It was almost always better than the alternative.”

 

“What alternative?”

 

“Silence, I suppose.” 

 

Crake could understand that. For a short while, it had been why he’d put up with Jimmy. Now that he liked Jimmy’s company, he found the silence wasn’t so hard to bare even when they were apart. Maybe it was because even when separated he knew Jimmy was his. That if he told Jimmy to break up with whatever girlfriend of the week he was dating Jimmy would do it. If he asked Jimmy to come visit him, Jimmy would come. Jimmy would reply to all his emails, he’d play all Crake’s games. Maybe he’d complain, and ask Crake to play a new game, but only ever ask. If Crake insisted on something, Jimmy would do it. He was still Crake’s even if he didn’t know it. So the silence wasn’t so bad. 

 

Crake couldn’t imagine how overbearing the silence would be if Jimmy was gone. If that was what Jimmy was dealing with, no wonder he slept with anything that would have him. Crake wasn’t Jimmy’s after all, or at least, Jimmy didn’t know Crake was his. Somehow, Crake felt almost ashamed. It wasn’t logical, but his lab partner was getting to him and he wondered how much pain he would have spared Jimmy if he’d tried to stop the silence earlier. 

 

“Crake?” 

 

It almost startled Crake out of his thoughts, usually when he dropped a topic Jimmy did too. Having long ago conceded that Crake ended conversations when he thought they were done and not by normal people’s terms. Crake turned his green eyed stare to meet Jimmy’s (eye color). 

 

“I know I’m being _ pleon-astic _ but seriously are you okay? Is it your lab partner? Did she do something to you?”

 

This was his chance. He could tell Jimmy a almost truth, say that his lab partner was planning to seduce Jimmy to kill him. Or something like that. Tell Jimmy to stay well away from her and not accept the job offer. Hell he could even have Jimmy move in here. Keep him safe and close. Tell the school he was hired help. If Crake told him it was the only way, Jimmy would trust him. 

 

Jimmy  _ trusts  _ him. 

 

There wasn’t anyone else in the world that Crake could say that for. Not really. So Crake put his half truths aside, grabbed the popcorn he had been making and went to sit down on the coach. Instead of sitting exactly a foot and ⅔ of an inch away, the minimum distance he could sit while still keeping the situation in an entire platonic context, Crake dropped the popcorn on Jimmy’s left side and himself into Jimmy’s right. Before Jimmy could react Crake wrapped one arm around Jimmy’s midsection, pushed his face into the dip at Jimmy’s collarbone and swiveled his legs so they were now over Jimmy’s knees. 

 

The position was calculated, it’d trigger protectiveness and encourage positive social interactions according to the latest research he’d read. It’d throw Jimmy off enough to make him open to new ideas. It also just so happened to be something Crake had imagined doing a thousand times over.  

 

Jimmy had tensed up, Crake didn’t do physical contact. Everything about what was happening here broke the boundaries of their carefully set relationship. Not Jimmy’s boundaries, in all honesty he didn’t have that many left, and Crake usually pushed at those anways, but Crake’s boundaries which Jimmy had never dared go near. And yet here was Crake shattering about half of them. Carefully, slowly, Jimmy moved on hand up to wrap around Crake and subtly feel for his pulse to make sure he wasn’t actively dying or dead. Maybe he should call medical to be safe, maybe Crake’s lab partner had drugged him? 

 

“I’m not drugged Cork-nut. Or dying.” 

 

Stupid Crake and his stupid mind reading powers. Jimmy gave a huff and moved to wrap Crake up in his arms a little more fully. Now that he knew he wasn’t going to get mocked for it, Jimmy was willing to go along with whatever game Crake was playing now. Crake allowed himself a few seconds to just be held. To just pretend and allow himself everything he ever wanted. But then Jimmy spoke, and Crake knew he couldn’t put off ruining everything any longer.

 

“Is this a bet with your labbie or some new strategy for improving thinking?

 

“Neither.”

 

“Okay… so what is this then?” 

 

“I want to embrace you. You haven’t said no or resisted.”  

Jimmy sighed, that special sigh he reserved for when Crake was dodging around his question. 

 

“Why do you want to  _ cuddle _ me now though?” 

 

“I’ve wanted to embrace you for quite awhile now.” His tone was quiet, admitting something that he didn’t want to. It was enough to get Jimmy to get a bit more serious about the situation. Crake didn’t really do wanting things. Or at least, Crake didn’t do wanting things and not taking them. Jimmy thought over his words carefully, starting to piece together what was happening here but not quite believing it.

 

“...Why didn’t you cuddle me before then?” 

 

“Because it would have- will change things. I was scared. I didn’t want to risk things changing that I couldn’t control.” 

 

That was something to think over. Jimmy wiggled a little bit as he thought, twisting so his back was up against the arm rest and they could lay more comfortably together. It wasn’t like he’d never thought about it. Back in high school they’d spent more days hanging out together than not. Crake had been there for him when his mother had disappeared, had been his best friend for so many years, had done so much for him even when Jimmy couldn’t do anything for him in return. Even when Crake could be doing so much better. Jimmy wasn’t much of anything special, but Crake sure seemed convinced that he was and it was almost enough to convince Jimmy of it too. Still, it had always been one of the weird what-ifs that he jokingly considered but never thought a real possibility. Crake had never showed any interest in him like that before, but than again Crake had never shown any interest in  _ anyone  _ in all the time Jimmy had known him.

 

“Do you want things to change now?” 

 

It was a loaded question, but at the very least it was one that Crake knew the answers too. 

 

“Yes.” 

 

“Okay. I can’t tell you how well it’s going to work. I don’t even know if I’m gay or anything, but I’m willing to give it a shot?” 

 

Crake burrowed in a little closer and nodded. At some point, they were going to need to talk about this more. It was going to be complicated, but maybe his lab partner had a point after all. Not that he’d tell her that.

  
  


Seven years later, at their wedding, where she hadn’t been invited to give a toast (or attend the wedding) but absolutely did so anyways, she stood up and simply said, 

 

“In the words of the great romantic poet, Bo Burnham, ‘We all suck, but love can make us suck less.’ Anyways, best of luck to the two of you. Jimmy, thank you for making him tolerable to be around and also don’t shake the gift I got you two since it’s highly volatile and will kill us all.” 

 

All in all, it was great day. The small fire that occurred later notwithstanding. 


End file.
